i've decided to become a web developer!
I've accepted that I don't have what it takes to be a professional illustrator. It's not a skill issue. Rather, the steps I have to take to get there (social media marketing, networking, making physical products) requires too much sacrifice. I don't want to engage in things that make me miserable just so I can have a chance at success. A success that I don't even want.
One sleepless night, after reflecting on my life, I realised that I don't actually want to be an illustrator. What I really want is a life where I earn a living wage while retaining the time and energy needed to make art. This means a job that's remote with maybe flexible hours. After realising this, suddenly my options opened up! Thinking about jobs that can supplement my art practice, I finally decided on a new path - becoming a web developer!
I already have some basic front-end skills from making my website, so why not pursue this seriously? I am genuinely interested in learning web development so I can improve my site. Plus, I can actually apply for jobs on sites like Seek or Linkedin and the pay seems good.
Currently, I'm working through The Odin Project's foundations course. I just reached the end of the html chapter. I learned how to use terminal and git. I'll likely need to refactor my website in the future to implement git and my newfound knowledge on best practices. This is the first time I've felt excited to learn stuff!
I think my interest in the artistic potential of websites began when I played the game Hypnospace Outlaw. But I wouldn't have truly uncovered this interest if I hadn't taken that break over a month ago. I'm glad I didn't keep blindly following the 'advice' given to me - send cold emails, arrange networking lunches, buy ads on social media etc.. Now that illustration isn't a career option for me anymore, I have a much more relaxed relationship with my art. It's okay if the drawing looks a little ugly, no one needs to look at it.
This might be naive optimism, but the future seems much brighter now.